Sunday, October 31, 2004


Weather: 11 degrees C.; overcast, with a 60% probability of rain; wind from the West at 24 km/h. Sunrise 6:49 am, sunset will be at 5:03 pm.

This is also the weekend that the time falls back one hour, ie we are no longer in Daylight Savings time.My computer has brilliantly already made the change to its internal clock, isn't that fascinating? Of course, every other clock in the house has not, including me. I'm delighted to have an extra hour to myself before I have to get ready to go to work. Funny how much it thrilled me to realize that I have that extra hour!My gardening this weekend did not entail doing anything outdoors at all, although yesterday was mild enough. Yesterday dawned misty and soft with a big downpour of rain midmorning. There was even thunder and lightning off to the south of us. The wind was relatively gentle. There was even a time in the late afternoon when the sun came out, low rays of light slanting under the branches of the spruce into my windows, glowing on the old wooden floors. I could have done some gardening then: I have garlic and shallots that need to be planted. And I haven't planted the tulip bulbs I bought either. Shame on me!But I gardened vicariously through garden blogs and websites. What a wonderful way to travel to gardens around the world, sip a cup of tea and visit with funny, interesting people who are so generous with their thoughts and gardens. I glean ideas, get inspiration...all without leaving the house!So, the result is that I have a new resolution: (I make resolutions quite often in the fall, resolution-making being an enjoyable impulse that starts when school starts in the fall) I will try to update my journal on a regular basis from now on, if not daily. Like my yoga practice, my journaling has fallen off lately. For my health, both physical and mental, I must resume both. Speaking of resolutions, I've been eating pretty crappy lately as well. I feel sluggish 'a. habitually lazy and idle; indolent; slothful; slow-moving.' This is not just a mood, it is also physical. Every system, if we're speaking in medical-model terms, is affected. This is not good. So another of my new resolutions is to eat better.I also resolved to start creating again, whether it was photographs, drawing, painting, knitting...I would like to get a scanner for this part, as then I could scan my creations, and upload them eventually with my journal to the internet. Does it seem egotistical to want to share my work? There are bad voices in my head saying "who do I think I am?" "I'm not good enough" "don't disturb people" "people are not interested". I know these voices are wrong, but they were some of the first voices I ever heard as a child and their power is still very strong. For what its worth, I will go ahead and create. I will release my babies into the world. I don't know why or how, but I believe The Higher Power wants us to create and speak because that Higher Power knows there might be people out there who need to hear and see what I have to give, be it ever so humble. Maybe that is the point, it is humble.As I walk the dogs around the perimeter of the front lawns, I enjoy a secret thrill, knowing I planted about 60 daffodils of mixed types under the trees on the west side. I wonder how they will look when they appear next spring. Maybe 60 is not a large enough number to make a decent impression in such a large space. It was hard work getting them in. The ground was very hard and dry. For most of September we had no rain and it was quite warm. Also, I was trying to plant them in an area that I want to leave relatively "wild", so I was digging through the tightly packed root systems of meadow grasses, golden rod, etc. They could have been planted a bit deeper than I was able to get them. But daffodils are not troubled as much by squirrels and such, and I figured the plant life already there will hold the snow and provide some insulating cover the bulbs might not get in a more exposed 'garden' location.I got rid of my junker car today. I actually will miss her, and was surprised at my feelings. I look at cars as a means of transportation only. Heat and air-con are important, a radio is nice...but otherwise, as long as it runs, I'm happy. The old 'aqua' sunfire died this summer, a painful death, no doubt, as the cracked gasket head ( whatever that is) finally gave way and the car overheated. I barely got it home, and the next day, when I tried the key, it gave one loud, exhausted bang, and expired. That car should have been a jeep. But it bravely went with me to some lovely places. It took me out of the city whenever I needed to get away. And boy, did we get away. We drove many many miles along country roads, paved or gravel. Sometimes we even explored unmaintained roadways that gradually became rough lanes and rutted paths through wild places in the woods or meadows far away from 'the madding crowd'. It was also the first car I bought on my own.So yes, its sad to see it go.It has started to rain out there, a thin, slicing rain and the wind seems to be driving it in a slant from nearly due North. In the overcast light and wet, the fall colour of the leaves seems more intense. The spirea flanking the front steps are many shades of gold, orange, red and magenta. The wind is playing wild music on my wind chimes by the back door. I feel restless.I have things to do, so many things to do!

Current Mood: restless