more wild thoughts
A friend, who shall remain nameless, said something to me some time ago, that I have been pondering now for months. I confess, I'm still no closer to understanding it at all.
It was a quick throw-away line, probably one she didn't really mean, and probably one she intended as a joke (I think).
It was in the context of her re-gifting (she made me promise to never tell the person who gave it to her anticipating she would really, really enjoy it) to me a sex-toy that she had never used and apparently didn't ever intend to consider using, as she said, with a laugh:
"I'm holding out for the real thing."
(ok, just a thought here, she surely didn't mean she assumed I would never again experience or wasn't interested in the "real thing", did she?? either way, I'm slightly offended, actually!)
Now, those of you who know me well, know that while I'm quite open-minded, I'm also quite naive and idealistic. Don't mistake my conservative appearances for being a prude, however. This makes sense to those who know me, while those who live on the surface of first impressions would assume I would be uncomfortable in a sex-store. (of course, it would have to be a nicely elegant & tasteful store ;) )
So, I'm trying to wrap my imagination around this "real thing", as I said, and I'm having a hard time (gee--no pun intended!).
In case this seems off track for a gardener, just keep in mind that I believe Adam made a big mistake in the Garden of Eden, by not stopping to ask for directions...and then, in proper patriarchal style, he blamed Eve. And as Adam would be a specimen of the "real thing" in question here, as understood by my friend, in my garden, it is relevant.
In waiting around for the "real thing", as I suppose a patriarchal society would have us women do, I'm pretty sure I can imagine what women are supposed to do (or not do) in the meantime...That wacky ideal is as disconnected from the real world as saying, for just one wacky example, that children need a mother and a father to be raised properly (so we should just go and remove children from all the homes where there is only one parent, usually the mother -- and these days in AIDS-riven Africa, the grandmother or an older sibling who is a child him/herself -- who is parenting children solo) Or for another wacky example, only straight marriages are valid because they produce children. (Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because they won't have children.) In other words, while waiting for the "real thing", by which I assume my friend meant "a man with a penis", it is rude for me to ask, isn't it, but I really, really don't understand: is the only other option abstinence? Hah. I already know Dr. Laura would indeed say "yes", & respectfully, I disagree with almost everything she says.
But I'm pretty sure my friend is pretty realistic, actually, about "in the meantime," and how disappointing the "real thing" sometimes turns out to be...(remember, they notoriously don't stop to ask for directions!)
I just don't know. As I said, I still don't understand the comment at all!
It was a quick throw-away line, probably one she didn't really mean, and probably one she intended as a joke (I think).
It was in the context of her re-gifting (she made me promise to never tell the person who gave it to her anticipating she would really, really enjoy it) to me a sex-toy that she had never used and apparently didn't ever intend to consider using, as she said, with a laugh:
"I'm holding out for the real thing."
(ok, just a thought here, she surely didn't mean she assumed I would never again experience or wasn't interested in the "real thing", did she?? either way, I'm slightly offended, actually!)
Now, those of you who know me well, know that while I'm quite open-minded, I'm also quite naive and idealistic. Don't mistake my conservative appearances for being a prude, however. This makes sense to those who know me, while those who live on the surface of first impressions would assume I would be uncomfortable in a sex-store. (of course, it would have to be a nicely elegant & tasteful store ;) )
So, I'm trying to wrap my imagination around this "real thing", as I said, and I'm having a hard time (gee--no pun intended!).
In case this seems off track for a gardener, just keep in mind that I believe Adam made a big mistake in the Garden of Eden, by not stopping to ask for directions...and then, in proper patriarchal style, he blamed Eve. And as Adam would be a specimen of the "real thing" in question here, as understood by my friend, in my garden, it is relevant.
In waiting around for the "real thing", as I suppose a patriarchal society would have us women do, I'm pretty sure I can imagine what women are supposed to do (or not do) in the meantime...That wacky ideal is as disconnected from the real world as saying, for just one wacky example, that children need a mother and a father to be raised properly (so we should just go and remove children from all the homes where there is only one parent, usually the mother -- and these days in AIDS-riven Africa, the grandmother or an older sibling who is a child him/herself -- who is parenting children solo) Or for another wacky example, only straight marriages are valid because they produce children. (Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because they won't have children.) In other words, while waiting for the "real thing", by which I assume my friend meant "a man with a penis", it is rude for me to ask, isn't it, but I really, really don't understand: is the only other option abstinence? Hah. I already know Dr. Laura would indeed say "yes", & respectfully, I disagree with almost everything she says.
But I'm pretty sure my friend is pretty realistic, actually, about "in the meantime," and how disappointing the "real thing" sometimes turns out to be...(remember, they notoriously don't stop to ask for directions!)
I just don't know. As I said, I still don't understand the comment at all!
posted by Kati at 9:01 p.m.
8 Comments:
I don't know your friend at all, so this is a stab in the dark but off-handed jokes seem to quite often be covers for deflections/defensiveness. Could she possibly be trying to deflect any... hmm, how to say this... any thoughts that you might have that she is to "repressed" or "inhibited" to enjoy the toy herself?
I realize that I am often surprised that people don't see the world the way I do; they really do have different mores and values. Oh well. I have been spending some time reviewing many of the exchanges my friend and I have had over the years, and yes, hindsight is giving me some insights into her attitudes. I think you would be right to say she is repressed in many ways. but then, I struggle with my own issues with repression :)
Y: (humming to self ...)
X: You need to turn right up here.
Y: No, we go straight.
X: No, really, you need to turn right ...
Y: Last time you told me to turn left, and then we got totally lost.
X: No, you got lost, I knew where we were.
Y: Well, you told me to turn left the last time, so we go straight this time.
X: But ... ah, you just missed the turn.
Y: So now we need to turn back?
X: No, don't bother.
Speaking of, um, "devices", I came across this gem on Blame the Patriarchy (which I just learned of from you):
"If you have six or more dildos, you are considered a felon [in Texas], because it is assumed you have intent to distribute. Whereas if you have five or fewer, you are merely a hobbyist." - Molly Ivins, in The Dildo Diaries
Not to presume too much about the nature of the toy your friend re-gifted to you, maybe she just needed to get her stock below the quota?
Oh, I think that we all do, as much as we ourselves may like to believe otherwise. :)
xris, I have tears streaming down my face so I can hardly type this, I'm laughing so hard. unfortunately, I'm already in danger of being arrested re the adventures my son and I are having with his passport application! (read my next post!)but your explanation of my friend's re-gifting certainly makes sense!
Kim, exactly. maybe if we stopped so earnest all the time, our repression(s) would reveal themselves to be as silly as they usually are. see, xris's responses above!!
typo: I meant to say "being so earnest". sometimes sex is just damned funny!
very goog!
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