Thursday, February 01, 2007

life & grace

Quick update on the man mentioned. It's all a mystery, actually, that I haven't figured out. A beautiful man withdrawing behind sad walls of determined hopelessness. I learned that I am scared by that and that it easily makes me very angry. I don't like myself in that situation and as I'm bewildered and unable to continue to act well in it, I've withdrawn from it.

Sad? Maybe. But I continue to believe in grace, the grace that arrives when you are empty and have discovered that you are in an isolated place, startled, embarrassed and frightened. Grace carried me into the arms of compassionate friends who are on the confusing path of life with me. In gratitude I discovered laughter, tears and relief. I have discovered that some of the cranky imperfect bits of me are not all that important, not the big deal I thought they were and am learning to not take myself so seriously. I'm learning to forgive myself. Most important of all, I know that it's ok for me to ask for the emotional openness that I am willing to give.

"I know nothing, except what everyone knows -- if there when Grace dances, I should dance."
--W.H.Auden

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