trying to get along

This morning, at about 8 - 10 a.m., there was a brief, but spectacular miracle out in the yard. The southeast side of every twig, evergreen needle, branch was frosted with candy. No Kidding! Like the sugar-crystal old-fashioned candy sticks one sometimes sees, the moisture in the air had frosted to the branches in tiny shards of white crystals. Unfortunately, there was not enough light to take a photo with my camera. As the morning wore on, it got milder, the frost turned first to freezing rain, then outright rain by the afternoon. The spectacle was so brief.

I am wondering if perhaps I should really cut out coffee altogether. I can't cut back, because after a while, I'll just be back to drinking way too much coffee the way I do now. The reason I'm thinking about this, is because I worry the coffee is contributing to the aches and pains. Knowing calcium is important for strong nerves, I'm wondering if the pain I feel in my muscles is related to the calcium depleting effects of the caffeine?? The pain is not in the joints, as I would have thought arthritis pain would be. Instead, I notice I hold a lot of tension in the muscles across my neck, shoulders, and upper arms. I also have pain in my buttocks and thighs at times. Yeah, yeah, it could also just be old age :)
So, enough of the organ recital.

My daughter told me she had an emotional breakdown when she re-read some parts of Christiane Northrup's book on women's health. She identified with some of the emotional wounds which then lead to some hurtful behaviors and ultimately some typical health problems. When she talked to me about it, I felt terrible. How could I help her? I wanted to help her. I am pretty sure I did not say or do the right things, but if she only knows how much I love her, maybe she'll understand that whatever nurturing she lacked from me as a child, I want to help her give herself now, when she can consciously decide to give herself what she needs. I know I can't parent the little girl she was any more, but I can be the parent she needs now as a beautiful young adult woman.

I've been going through a kind of strange thing here. At the risk of offending my landlords and their family, here's the thing. One retired family member comes regularly to check on the beef cattle they raise. She also comes to feed the barn cats. There are two-and-a-half to three dozen cats about the place.

A little while ago, she said she thought my dogs were killing cats in the barn. Now, I can't deny that the dogs love to chase cats, but usually, if the cats stand up to them or ignore them, it is suddenly too frightening or boring for the dogs to pursue the game. A couple of mornings in a row, the dogs found a dead kitten by the house--sad little bodies that were not there the night before, when I went out with the dogs so that they could do their business. The kittens were quite blue without any obvious marks on them--little wet bundles of misery. Knowing that kittens are fragile and many of the cats in the barn are ill with some sort of upper respiratory thing, I felt the kittens died of natural causes, rather than my dogs, but I could not say that for sure.

Anyhow, I figured, I'll keep the dogs on a leash from now on, and time would tell. The other day, the aforementioned lady taped a note to my front door, accusing my dogs of 'upsetting things in the barn' and killing another cat. The note was rather accusatory in tone re my supposed lapse in being responsible for my dogs. As I had suspected before, this time it was clear my dogs could not be responsible, as I had them out only on a leash consistently since the first complaint. She said the cat's throat had been cut...What a sad business.

Anyhow, as anyone who knows me will understand, this situation is very upsetting to me. It colours how I feel every day. My dogs are annoying and disgusting as only dogs can be sometimes, but then they are lovable and sweet as only dogs can be sometimes. I always try to be a responsible animal-owner, caring for them the best I can, and keeping them from disturbing neighbours too.

This reminds me of a story my friend Michelle told us a while ago. Her neighbours had a pet rabbit that they kept in a cage rather close to Michelle's backyard fence. Michelle's dog was very interested in that rabbit, and as luck would have it, one day, the dog proudly turned up with a very dead, muddy, dirty rabbit in its mouth. Michelle was horrified. How to tell the neighbours that her dog had killed their rabbit? They would be so upset, Michelle didn't know what to do.

Finally, she decided to wash and clean the rabbit carcass. She blow-dried it until it was positively the fluffiest rabbit ever. Then she gently laid the dead rabbit back in its cage in the hopes the neighbours would think the rabbit had died of natural causes--no trauma, no mess.

A little later, the neighbours had the opportunity to talk with Michelle, and they had the strangest story to tell. It appears their rabbit had died, so they buried it with all appropriate pomp, etc. Imagine their bewilderment when the rabbit reappeared in the cage...after the burial...
It turns out that Michelle's dog had merely exhumed an already dead rabbit and brought it home. It had not actually been the killer...