Saturday, February 02, 2008

is it hot in here?

Passing this sign on the way to work the other day had me and my best friend, Fiona, speculating on all the possible ways it could be misconstrued. For example, we had a slew of fire-setting in the Toronto area this past year, so we hoped an arsonist or pyromaniac would not feel compelled to obey this order! Perhaps it's one explanation for the impulse to set fires, hmnn, what do you think, to make the world a little friendlier? Could be??

And as luck would have it, I was overcome at that very moment with that special warm flush that my lady friends who are peri-menopausal will know all too well! Yikes! Am I already on fire or will I perhaps set fires when I eventually (I threaten it now constantly!!) strip naked in my bid to cool off?? And I'm not saying what kind of fires that might trigger either!

I used to threaten my kids with my plan for the time when I'm very elderly, to light bonfires in the garbage can of my nursing-home room with a cigar, which should, at the very least, keep me mentally sharp for a long time to come as, I would expect, measures will be taken to make such a feat more and more difficult for me to pull off. Hey, having a challenge to overcome is a worthy goal and, surely, a valid way to stay on top of one's game! (First off, I would have to learn how to smoke and then, to smoke cigars....) See how endlessly fascinating this could get?

But I digress...

As I approached menopause, I occasionally had the weird feeling of warmth -- nothing I couldn't handle. But then, I think I had a conversation with good old Mom. I don't know what possessed me to ask her what menopause was like for her, because I already thought I knew. I thought I knew that she sailed through this part of her life sans any distress, sans hot flashes, sans hormone replacement therapy! Well, she did sail through it with sang froid, it being in her nature to be stoic. But, she said! Hot flashes! She had them for about two years.

Oh dear. Poor Mom. She gets some credit for many of the good ideas I have, but she also gets blamed for every crummy idea I have. Naw....It couldn't be. Surely I'm not that suggestible as to start having hot flashes when I found out Mom had them too?? Shame on me, then!

So, here I can be found at my paying job, suddenly flushed. Should I be Victorian and call it 'dewy'? No, that would imply some sort of fresh and cool feeling. This is more like steamy and clammy. I mean, one of the Younger Ones actually felt compelled to touch the skin on my arm to check it out: that stuff glistening suddenly all over my skin isn't gold! Suddenly I am checking the thermostat to see if one of the skinny, thin-blooded, Bloody Little Young Ones has turned the heat up! (and sometimes they have, the little devils!) And I'm grabbing paper, anything, to use as a fan! @$%^&*!

Most of the Old Farts from amongst my peers at my paying job went out to party together one evening last week. Somewhere between the salad course and the entree, I was suddenly engulfed in internal flames! M. suggested I step outside and assured me that the brisk wintry weather out there should cool me down pronto! The restaurant being in an area of town where a woman standing outside on the sidewalk without being properly swathed in winter coat, etc., is liable to be mistaken for a professional of another kind, I was happy to find the air cool enough just inside the entry.

I only had to stand there a few seconds, fanning my blouse. Sure enough, the heat subsided quickly. But, as I returned into the restaurant, I saw the alarmed look on the proprietor/chef's face. What could I say to his kind offer to turn down the heat but to confess that I was in my own private hell at the moment, flames and all?

We decided the other day that there are a lot of rules on the books as to what is proper, professional and appropriate dress at my paying job, but I ventured to guess there is not an actual rule, per se, verbatim, that says a hapless menopausal woman in the bewildering throes of overwhelming sweaty internal conflagration should not strip all her clothes off! I challenged my peers at work to find such a rule, I did. (Here one of the OF's recalled the rationale for pantyhose and undies required if one wore a dress being to prevent 'pubic fall out' -- one of our most favorite quotes from management which we have repeated often when we feel the need for hilarity!)

Someone wryly remarked that as soon as I did it (ie got naked, fool!) just such a rule would be put on the books immediately! Hmmmnnn, would once be enough? I mean, would stripping off just once douse the flames once and for all? Stripping off at work once, I realize (just in case anyone should think I'm slipping over the edge of sanity) would be more enough for my employers ---tee hee hee!

Sheeesh! Is it hot in here, or .... is it just me??

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2 Comments:

Blogger Randa said...

'Pubic fallout'. That is hilarious...and a very real issue!

1:57 PM  
Blogger Kati said...

yup, and this was in the days before the arrival of the "thong". I imagine that pf might be a problem now, even if one is wearing undies! And by the way, I have been corrected several times when I mistakenly referred to certain kinds plastic sandals as "thongs", the way we did in days of yore. Thong now refers to a specific kind of underwear, leaving me bewildered as to what word to use for the footwear! sigh...

2:00 PM  

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