taboo subjects

A recent encounter with a funny older gentleman made me smile at first. But as I thought about it, I realized his interest was probably more malicious and prurient curiosity, than idle social chatter.

To explain the context a bit, he had come to pick up some purchases of the stuff ( furniture, appliances, etc.) that my housemate is selling off, stuff that her former housemate left behind when she flew off to take advantage of a great job offer and a new and, we hope, a wonderful new page in her life in Oregon!

As we chatted, he asked me how I felt about my housemate's plan to be in California in the next year-and-a-half, or so. I wish her well! Then he asked me if I had seen the news, all the politicians... big meeting, Steven Harpur's opinions on same-sex marriage, etc. I wondered why it worries some people so much, same-sex marriage. Certain hot-button issues, including abortion get people quite 'het-up'.

The man in this conversation immediately spoke up and pronounced that he is definitely against abortion! Well, I am too, for myself only, in most circumstances...not knowing what I would do in other circumstances. And, I suggested to him, pointing at his ample belly, that if he were pregnant, since I am not prepared to look after his baby, I would not presume to tell him what to do with his baby.

"What??" was his response. Partly perhaps because he had never imagined himself pregnant, ie responsible to that extent. Partly because I suppose I just did not make any sense to him. "What??" he repeated.
I repeated my response...but...well...

Afterwards, I came to the conclusion that he is of the type that loves the prurient-gossip aspect of the story...two women share a house...what do they think of Steven Harpur?...one of the 'lovers' (as he is imagining it) is going to leave the other in less than two years...what will the 'abandoned lover' do...was she shocked to hear his news?? (How some people seem to love to stir the pot in the hopes of getting a big reaction.)

Not that my sex life is any of his business! But, then, maybe I'm not being fair and my intuited impressions of what the undercurrents were are all wrong.

(another aside) I am single at the moment,but should it happen, a relationship with a man would be welcomed. that's where I am on the continuum of sexual predelictions, at the moment anyway, as I'm ok with the idea that sexual prediction may well be a continuum moderated in some part by circumstance, opportunity or nurture... reminds me of a disturbing movie I saw recently about the gangs of Los Angeles, the name of which escapes me right now...and a comment I read recently noted that some hyper-macho cultures of some central/south american countries where homosexual encounters by hyper-macho males are commonplace in certain social situations and put women at great risk for sexually transmitted diseases in a culture where women have no or very little say about what goes on in familial/spousal relationships... no point in being shocked at 'foreign' cultures when our own is not that different, in that our 'sports- mad' culture does expect our super-macho sports' celebrities to be somewhat unruly, to mis-behave, be promiscuous/hyper-sexual...I clearly recall my lovely sister and other attractive women being more afraid of (and angered by) the presumptious and aggressive overtures of many 'ivy-league'-type guys in college, than of the fringe 'sexual deviants'( 'deviants' who often behaved more like real, caring and respectful human beings than the privileged 'ivy league' guys) (end of aside/rant)

I came across Kurt (with apologies, I have edited this after Kurt corrected me--I got his name wrong the first time )via the Cassandra Pages, when I read his comments on the news about the exclusion of the US and Canadian churches from a major joint body, the Anglican Consultative Council, between now and 2008, the next scheduled meeting of the Anglican church at large (the Lambeth Conference). When I heard this on the news, it seemed like a sad old story to me, having experienced this myself again and again in my own church, ie the church of my childhood (which I no longer attend) with respect to the ordination of women and with respect to homosexuals holding lay- church offices (not even 'ordination'). The triumphant celebration of those who successfully exclude anyone says so much about those celebrating!

And as another aside, read this bit about gangs on Wild West Yorkshire.

Kurt's comments on American and to nearly the same degree, Canadian, attitudes toward the human body and human sexuality, I think are spot on!

...what is degrading is the joining of sex with commerce. Can our capitalist
society confront the question of sexual sublimation in an open and honest
manner? Or is the tie between sex and money the last taboo?

At Soul of the Garden a while back, Tom Spencer also had similar ideas about our self-deception when it comes to 'what sells', when he bemoaned the re-election of Bush, supported by the religious right. Perhaps if we were more open, respectful and accepting of the human body and sexuality, the 'forbidden' and 'dirty' aspects of it would be less of an attraction in selling us stuff we know we don't need. How interwoven the puritanical, the austere and the work-ethic are with the imbalances of our attractions to the extremes!

recent bird sightings locally/out and about:

American gold finch
Black-capped Chickadee
Blue Jay
Dark-eyed junco, slate-coloured form
Downy woodpecker
Great grey owl
House finch
Northern flicker
Pine grosbeak
Pine siskin
Red-tailed hawk
Snow bunting
White-breasted nuthatch

An online bird guide can be found here.

magical grandchild

I'm at my desk which is an improvised affair of a solid old wooden door propped up by an old teak stack of drawers on one side and a black legal size two-drawer filing cabinet on the other. Tacked up on the wall in front of me are two Maya Angelo cards my daughters gave me recently, some dried roses, a yellow infant-sized ball cap inscribed with the logo for the Bowmanville zoo and a close-up painting (reminiscent of Georgia OKeefe) of a red Oriental poppy with a rough turquoise-painted frame. On the desk I have two photos of my Granddaughter at maybe 4 - 6 weeks of age, sleeping.

Watching a baby sleep has to be one of the most powerful magical moments one can experience. I cannot imagine anyone who is not affected by a contagion of profound peace that watching a sleeping baby can bring.

I remember the photo day. It took three adults to bring baby to photographer, change her, dress her...and then she fell into a sleep that could not be disturbed! No amount of tickling, calling, prodding could elicit open eyes or smiles from that sleeping baby!

Now, hard to imagine she is three years old, talking like a serious adult sometimes, interrupting conversations with her own stories to tell, growing taller. No longer a baby at all, she is, depending on her mood a big girl, or a little girl, rarely a baby. Sometimes she is gramma's cutie pie, sometimes an angel...always so very interesting to me.

rituals,rhythms and patterns

The most attractive thing to me about religion (not that I am a practicing 'anything') would be the rituals. So many times, being a great reader of English mystery writers, I have wondered at the meanings of some words that seem to be connected to the hours of the day, the seasons, natural rhythms that are echoed in the traditions of the church, evocative words like lent, evensong, solstice...

Don writes that in our modern lives, we have removed ourselves from the rhythms of the natural world, 'freed from weather and season, living in an electrical and digital world, we are 24/7 actors. ' Maybe it is that opportunity to rest, be quiet, and focus on our soul/connectedness to the wonders of the natural/spiritual world that is so appealing to me about religious rituals--I'm tired.

In a meeting that I had to attend recently at my paying job, I noticed again that the conference room was in the middle of the building, no windows, no natural light...it could have been midday or midnight!

Thomas Moore, author of Care of the Soul, and Re-enchantement of Everyday Life(not sure of those titles, but you get the idea--my books are still mostly in boxes),writes about one of the most enticing ideas to me -- making worklife more soulful and enchanted. The idea that like a machine, one can be productive at a steady (killing) pace, is anathema to the body and soul. A view of the outdoors, moments of idle reverie and wonder, the changing light and the clouds drifting by the window of one's workspace...those infusions of meditative reconnection and disorderly playful amazement at nature's richness...those sorts of magical things are what I need and hunger for to replenish my own creative urges.

It makes me wonder if the workers in medieval times, who, I understand did not work the kinds of hours our modern business person does today, if they had been forced to work under modern electrical lights, or in the assembly line factories of modern industry, etc., if they could have still produced artistry of the likes of Chartres's Notre Dame Cathedral.

doubts and questions

Ken Allen's comments on doubt vs certainty as a philosophy of life made me smile. Yes, certainty like too much cleanliness seems to imply that your journey is over, you have arrived at the end. What reason is there then to go on living?

As I stumble along wondering and pondering, I hope I'm on a journey of growth. If not, does it really matter? It is my journey after all, and in hindsight, I do see a pattern emerging...my own peculiar pattern anyway.

seeing feelingly

On the urban wild diary, a thought provoking article by Bill Moyers on Battleship Earth, with a hopeful note at the end on how we can take action on the challenges Bill Moyers describes...check it out.

Living in a conscientious way is a difficult thing. One can opt out of 21st century life with some danger becoming a quaint object of curiousity somewhat like our local Mennonites with their horse drawn carriages and no electricity. Living as they do, although the charm of their dress, lifestyle and values is obvious, is not something most of us are willing to do, realizing as we do, that our modern conveniences are just that, conveniences that we have learned to rely on.

What steps can we take and yet live in the comfortable way we do? Perhaps we need to take a serious look at the real costs of our lifestyles, not just in the immediate dollars we pay out to purchase appliances and pay for utilities, but the long term dollars it will cost to deal with the damage to the environment. In terms of the natural catastrophies that seem to be more and more destructive, we will all in the end, probably pay with our lives. We seem to be on a train plunging down a steep track to nowhere, with the engineers blindly and happily leading us over the edge of the abyss, while we insist on the comforts of the train...even the doubtful will be swept along.

Perhaps, in the end, when our destructive species is extinct along with so many of nature's other species, a new breed of being will be dancing on the shore as Harold Horwood said in "Dancing on the Shore". One reviewer pointed out , that

(u)ltimately, however, Horwood, though decrying man's 'massive and unnecessary attacks on the environment,' argues that it is not 'necessary for us to wring our hands and cry doom. We are part of the biosphere. We are changing it. For the first time in the history of life on earth it may be changed with
caution, with foresight, with intelligence, instead of by the blind forces of chance.'

I am not that optimistic, myself. Maybe I'm more of a cynic regarding human nature, but I believe too many people are eager to dismiss and disregard those with environmental and social welfare concerns in the pursuit of power and profit.

seek and ye shall find

After worrying with my ego about writing and journaling, off I go to sneak a peak at wish jar journal. And what is she writing about but the struggle to get it down, the courage to face your life and describe it as it is. If that doesn't make you feel like there is synchronicity in life, what will?

role models

Sometimes it's a mistake to read other writers. No, actually the mistake is probably to try to compare yourself to them. When one comes from a background where you have learned a subtle self-loathing, that is what immediatly pops into your mind. You compare yourself and come out a loser. Bad mistake. There is no rational explanation of it. While you also learned to despise people you know even a little more than yourself, other people you don't know, writers, musicians, authority figures get unquestioning respect--as if they just aren't quite human like oneself and all the people you know.

I want to stop judging. I want to allow myself and everyone else to just be themselves and enjoy that.

I want to just enjoy the good writing I encounter of so many other blogs, take it in, savor it and let it go. The rating and negativity have to go!

Nature seems to be like that, just be. Such a richness of variety, big and little, but in the end, the interrelationships of our lives are a never ending circle and vertical rating systems or hierarchies don't really describe nature well, do they? Maybe like the paper-scissors-rock game, human beings seem to be destroying everything else, but in the end, the 'success' of humans will be our own undoing, if we forget how dependent we are on the natural world for our existence.

holding on

I dreamed last night that I had to make my way across a border patrol or past a toll-booth of some sort and at the last minute, to pay the toll, I realized all I had was a clumsy, huge roll of bills in my hands. I didn't want to flash all this money around, but couldn't figure out how to pull out the correct bill to pay the toll without pulling the whole wad out of my pocket into view of anyone passing by.

Then ensued the chase. Corrupt border/toll officials and other greedy people started coming out of the woodwork to get at me and my huge roll of cash and as I tried to make my escape, the snow got deeper and the walking more and more slippery. Then too, because so many people seemed to be after me, I was surrounded and starting to run out of avenues of escape when I woke up.

Two things seemed bizarre to me when I woke up. I had no purpose or goal at all in going across this border or passing this toll way and then returning, I was just going. And second, I have no idea how I obtained this huge roll of money. When I reached in to find my wallet as I would normally, I suddenly knew there was this huge roll of money there instead.

I did know I was supposedly in Vancouver, where my parents live, but the streets and buildings did not resemble Vancouver, as much as they looked like the stylized and simplified amateur set of a high school play.

Sometimes, it is in contemplating a dream and what it doesn't say that gives me more insight into myself than the events in the dream itself.

sunshine and apple trees

If it seems a little strange in my climate to be thinking apples, think again! Although it is still very cold, the ground is frozen and snow covers the ground, it is time to be thinking of pruning those apple trees.

I am looking at two large old ones outside my office/workroom window that need to be rejuvenated. There are also maybe 5-6 on the other side of the house, perhaps not as old, and maybe 3 crab apple trees...

Trouble is, my right arm is so painful again as to be nearly useless. I did take the old loppers and a small step ladder outside this morning and trimmed a few crossing and damaged branches, a few "waterspouts" etc., but not nearly enough. It seems besides a higher ladder, I will need somebody with strong arms. I just can't seem to do it these days.

This does have me a bit concerned, because I can't imagine not being able to garden, I mean hands-on gardening. I hope with rest and gentle massage, stretching and exercise, I will recover the use of my right arm and be pain-free again in time for all the spring work in the garden!

Although I admit to a niggling fear (the hypochondriac in me), I do believe the pain in my right arm is due only to overstrain.

Meanwhile, the sun is getting stronger, the days are getting longer, and one can feel the shift of the seasons, the turn in the wheel of the year swinging toward spring and those lovely heat-filled summer days in the garden! Even the air smells different!

I am eagerly wondering about the greenhouse and will have to give in to my urge to explore it more closely any minute now! The doorway to it is obstructed by some furniture that Ann's former housemate left behind. Ann is busy trying to sell it off and the ad in the paper has elicited many phone calls. Meanwhile, maybe I can shove some of it aside enough for me to squeeze through the door into the greenhouse, do you think?

I have been so preoccupied by packing and cleaning and unpacking and sorting, that gardening has been shoved into the background of my mind. But a day like today, the sunshine, the feeling that spring is coming soon...stirs up the juices, urges me to make plans, buy seeds, start gardening...oh dear!

Finding out what is already in the gardens, under the snow at the moment, will be another adventure that I look forward to.

Last night, while walking the dogs, I looked up at the waxing moon sailing majestically across the black sky overhead. The moonlight made diamonds of the snow crunching under my feet, diamonds blanketing the ground! Over to the south-west, Orion dominated the sky with his masculine stance. The Big Dipper hung upside-down in the northern sky. The sheer opulence of it, there for my enjoyment, more glitter than the fanciest dress-ball in the Big Apple! All I needed to do was bundle up warmly and go outside for a walk!

banish negativity!

My amazing housemate read to me today wish lists for us, our home and why the universe should give it to us. I love the way she thinks.

A couple of times over the last few days, inspite of the many days I have had to work at my paying job, which leaves me very little time to think about anything at all, I have thought how amazing it is that I live here now. About a year ago, I drove this way on an antiques tour and as I drove past the mysterious lane that disappeared into the woods, I thought to myself, 'how marvelous it would be to live in the seclusion that must be up that lane.' As they say, be careful what you ask for.

You know a little of the trauma that I had to go through to get here...But I did say to the universe, if it is going to take trauma, ok, I'm ready.

Now here I am. I'm not anywhere unpacked, but it is starting to feel like home.

Lately, I have also wondered how to stop being afraid all the time, afraid that I don't have enough money to take care of myself, afraid that I am guilty of not being good enough, smart enough, careful enough...and I prayed that I would be sent a teacher or guide to help me live what I believe in my head about the universe, that Mother Nature is incredibly generous and that I have learned habitual 'thinking poor', which is getting me nowhere.

Imagine my surprise and pleasure to have Ann talk about right thinking, removing the negative "but" from my thoughts about how I'm blessed!
She has promised to help me change my thinking and I'm eager to meet some of her friends.

I was so charged up by what Ann said this afternoon, that I threw out four boxes of "stuff" I had saved and moved from house to house to house, without ever unpacking them. The boxes were labelled 'magazines' and without fear, I didn't even peek in them to check what was in them. I'm sure I will never need them again. Seem like a small thing? Not to me. My fears actually weighed me down so with these boxes, that I was afraid that they might have lovely pictures, ideas or recipes or articles or something I might need someday...so I was afraid to throw them out , and throwing them out without going through them was unthinkable for me before today. Sometimes the 'going through' part was a trick I used to avoid throwing anything out. But now? Gone! What a weight off my mind!

lots of snow

I spent most of the day yesterday, trying to finish cleaning out my old place. Of course, I didn't finish in time. My landlords did say it would be ok if I needed a few more days. Yes, I think I will.

The most idiotic thing is all the boxes of papers I have saved. I have probably moved them from place to place 3 or 4 times now! What's in them? I no longer really remember, not trusting the labels on the outside either, because I sometimes raid boxes for things I need...It is really , really time to throw those boxes out. But what if my diary from my first trip to Europe when I was 14 is in one of those boxes...? Yup, that's my pathetic excuse for being a pack-rat to the tune of...about....10 boxes.....hard to say exactly...hard to admit what a packrat I am!

It was miserable and grey yesterday, rain melting the snow down to very icy patches where it had been packed down.

This morning, I awoke to whiteness. Big fluffy whiteness on all the tree branches I could see out my bedroom window. Now, a wind has come up and it is shaking off some of the snow at time so that it looks like it is snowing again. The birds hopping about in the apple tree outside are disturbing the snow, making it fall in soft wet bundles. Dimples now mark the surface of the ground where the snow was smooth this morning.

I'm depressed today because I'm tired and sore. I did try to pace myself yesterday with the heavy lifting stuff. But still, one does try to accomplish a little bit so one feels like one is making some headway!

Can't do much this morning as I try to conserve my energy for a shift later today at my paying job.

I read a comment on Basha's garden about publicly made plans/promises.

Valentines--I bought a bunch, and intended to send them to my father, my
stepmother, my three brothers, and my sister. With every intention to do so, and
to keep on making my amends to my family, I walked over to the drugstore on my
lunch hour and bought them. All pink and shiny, and full of loving sentiment. I
also planned to write a letter and put it inside each one.What happened? It is
now Friday, and I didn't send one. I wanted to, but I couldn't get to it. Is
this my unconscious working against me? I've decided to just send them anyway,
minus the letter, and post them tomorrow, Saturday. And they will be late. No
one is expecting them anyway, so they will all still be surprised to get one.
Unless they happen to read this blog, in which case they will probably be
surprised anyway that I actually followed through

As I've been contemplating my mother's upcoming 80th birthday, I've been wondering how to surprise her...it will not be an easy task...then wondering if she reads this...then worried she won't be surprised. But then maybe she will after all, as so many of my plans never come to pass.
Again, I experienced that delight of reading another human being struggling with the same things I do. Not exactly misery loves company. I mean it more in the sense that shared frailty gives me permission to forgive myself, and it is more blessed to forgive--no, no, that was "give" not forgive! Oh well.

back to normal

I'm whining again, wondering when things are going to get back to normal, remembering of course, that normal is just a setting on the washing machine.

Trying to unpack is more complicated than packing was, and there is the added pressure of trying to remember where those important papers that you did plan to keep close at hand have ended up.

Snatching an hour here and an hour there between shifts at my paying job do not give the continuity I think I need. Mind you, I do have to remember not to over-do it, exercising muscles to fatigue that have not been used for a while in just that manner. Or, I might end up having another panic attack about dying, when all I have is muscle strain.

My walk today was warmer than I expected. There was a blustery wind that started last night and into this morning. There has been some freezing rain that I will have to scrape off the car before I get going this afternoon. So, without really looking at the temperature, I over-dressed and came back from my walk down the lane a little over-heated.

There are a lot of the smaller house finches etc at the bird feeders this morning. Does that mean an impending storm?

Granddaughter has been sick on&off with a cold. She was very afraid when one evening about 2 weeks ago, she vomited. Having no recall of vomiting, she asked, "Mommy, what's that??" She was also worried that she had made a mess on the kitchen floor. When Mommy informed her that when Mommy was a little girl whenever she vomited, that she had always vomited in her bed, Granddaughter was very relieved! After all a mess in your bed is harder to clean up than a mess on the kitchen floor, isn't it?

Maybe it is not the same cold, but a new infection caught at the baby-sitters, but Granddaughter doesn't seem to be taking it too hard. A day or so with a high fever and lethargy, then back to her bouncy talkative self. Even on the lethargic day, she had to rouse herself suddenly once just to tell Mommy that Yesterday, She and Her Best Friend Sadie Were Twins Because They Both Wore Pink!

I must say, I don't miss the strain of being a Mommy. Being a Gramma is just fine, thanks.

Canadians and fame

Loved the Yarn Harlot's description of seeing Rex Murphy ( a Canadian celebrity for those who don't listen to cbc or are not familiar with this Newfie export). I saw Olivia Hussey (of the 60's Romeo & Juliet movie fame) at Heathrow, years ago. I reacted the same way. Who? no way. whisper: wow...Wouldn't have dreamed of talking to her or asking for an autograph, etc.!

long days, aching muscles

I feel a little shy here, having been away from my blog for so long. Time to get re-acquainted.

Packing, moving and unpacking has been very tiring, and I am in no way done yet. I wish I was, settled in and comfortable. However, a lot of living will be done in and out of boxes until I get sorted out here.

I'm in my new office/studio space, looking south over the back deck and garden. In the apple tree to my right, house finches are searching for left over seeds in the scattered ones on the ground. It has started to snow.

Misty is running back and forth, thinking maybe she'll come inside afterall, and join Molly and Tasha. Molly and Tasha decided it has gotten cold. Being inside is nicer.

There is a little 'cubby' or play house out there just to the right of the greenhouse. An attached greenhouse, that I can hardly wait to get into, butts off the end of the new-L addition on my left. I am upstairs in the older part of the house. I know Granddaughter will have a lot of fun in the play house.

A ladybug just crawled across the back of my desk. We used to think ladybugs were good luck, until the invasion of the new ?Japanese strain a few years ago that fell like snow from the trees and crawled into every crack and cranny of houses, getting inside the window frames of older, less tightly-sealed homes. They have a nasty little bite and secrete a bitter smelling fluid when disturbed or killed.

A little red squirrel has now travelled along his skyway over to the apple tree, looking for sunflower seeds too.

The dogs and I went for a little walk earlier this afternoon. The footing is treacherous because of the melt we had for nearly 5 days. Any packed snow has turned into sheets of ice, so I couldn't walk all the way out the nearly 1 km driveway.

This spot is not really that isolated, being right out on Sturgeon Point, a long-settled area that has become a very expensive summer-cottaging spot along the lakeshore. It is also busy, being part of the Trent-Severn waterway. On weekends in good weather, snowmobiles roar past down on the lake, which alarmed my dogs greatly at first. I don't know how loud the summer boaters will be, but perhaps the trees leafing out by then will block some of the noise.

People tell me this is great country for fishing. I wouldn't know.

Years ago, in Finland, I remember getting up very early one summer morning to go out on the lake with my paternal grandmother in her wooden boat. My memory is shaky, but I believe she had put out some nets, or baited lines overnight, to catch what I think might have been some sort of white fish. Needlesss to say, she was not impressed with this strange grandchild who couldn't speak the language, etc. and was afraid of touching the fish. The fish flopped wildly about in the bottom of the boat where I had dropped it, finally flipping out over the side of the boat back into the water. That really pissed grandma off. She spluttered a bit, then just shook her head, "ai, ai, ai..."

But I do remember vividly, so that my mouth waters, a light fish soup she made, with potatoes, peas, carrots and milk...I may be mixing up two traditional soups here, one called "kesakeitto" my mom made (I was raised vegetarian) with the veggies...and "kalakeitto". I'll have to look up some of my Finnish cookbooks to see if "kalakeitto" has veggies in it. Potatoes, sure! Finns eat lots of potatoes.

My grandmother still had and used an old butter churn when I was a kid. I remember the wonder of cream going in and butter coming out! It seems to me it was a horizontal affair that rocked back and forth thanks to a crank at one end.

Funny how unreliable memory is, an image altering perhaps with the subsequent exposures to other similar, and more recent impressions on the memory made by objects in museums and antique shops.

A lovely deep yellow begonia, the petals edged with orange, sitting on the desk to my left, brightens up this grey, wintry day. At the window facing west, an asparagus fern and a shocking coleus brighten up that window. I don't know what this coleus is called, but I got cuttings from my son-in-law's father last summer. The leaves have a central flame of pink and fuschia. A wide rim of olive veined with purple surrounds the flame on each leaf. The finest pencil-outlined edging on outside of the scalloped leaves is a lime green.

Hello! The red squirred just dashed in and out of view along the ground. No doubt Misty at the window makes the squirrel nervous. No, it is back. Browzing around in a more leasurely fashion now...

By blogging right now, I'm trying to put off the unpleasant tasks of more hauling around and unpacking of boxes. I need to find some of the papers I packed. I'm not looking forward to it. I have this nasty fear of anything having to do with money, but I need to think about taxes and RRSP's at this time of year...

Last week, I was surprised one morning to wake up with a new and scary aching in my right arm. Being the proper little hypochondriac that I am, noting a few unexplained bruizes up and down the arm, I was convinced that I now have leukemia. After all my aunt died of leukemia, didn't she? I couldn't even hold a cup of coffee and I'm right handed! Truly truly very alarming indeed!! Now in hindsight, I notice the same muscles aching whenever I pick up another heavy box, so I'm trying to pace myself a little better...It seems like I'll never get to the end of the boxes, however, at this rate.

Fortify myself with more herbal tea and honey...