The reason for all this reflection on exposure is that I feel quite raw right now, in anguish over the fact that my beautiful oldest daughter and her husband are splitting up. There is no assigning of blame or anger at all in my heart. I understand how these things came to this point and I can even see some eventual evolution to a better place for everybody concerned.
I guess the most negative feeling I have is fear that all these wonderful, complex, talented, good hearted people involved -- I mean as families we're all invested in the image we had of these two people as a couple/family -- may not have the strength or whatever it is we need, to allow ourselves to love these two unconditionally still: no judgment, gentle support, open-hearted space to work it through, a safe place to be.
It's easy to offer practical support, mostly meaningless advice, to take sides and to conspire in blame and anger, up the drama and escalate the sense of conflict. It's so much harder to just be there. But that is what is most required, I think, to allow these two essentially great-hearted, well-intentioned, intelligent people to work through this with dignity, maintaining the respect they have toward each other, so that they can come up with solutions that will allow each of them to go forward with their lives as best as possible and to continue to be the best parents possible for my grandchild.
If I had any say in it, and I humbly realize I don't, I would ask everybody to keep their hands off these two right now, and offer instead only a hand to hold, lots of hugs, a shoulder to cry on and lots of kleenex -- and when asked, help in getting their house ready for sale and help on moving day!